Skinny Love

The second of dose of Andrea's lyrical engagement. Again, take a look and have think about the issues raised. Comments welcome.

I’ve always enjoyed listening to Bon Iver’s music since being introduced to it a few years ago. His powerful vocals and simplistic musical beauty are matched lyrically by countless stories that cannot fail to capture the listener’s imagination.

Skinny Love from the album For Emma Forever Ago is a whirlwind of exploding emotions.

Echoes of desperation and longing for a love that seems all but doomed to failure resonate powerfully throughout this song. Its opening cry, ‘come on skinny love just last the year’ sets a significant precedent. The desperation and need for love running on a thread are clear- even though he seems to know the relationship is all but over, there is still something in him that wants to hold onto that person that offers him some sort of love back, however messed up it is.

The crying out for love in the song is right. Sadly, it is painfully misdirected. Love can be found in romantic relationships like the writer is longing for here, or amongst a caring family unit, or good friends. But so often, like the song here describes, that love is found wanting, ‘skinny’, not the entirely satisfying thing we thought it would be. As much as we might try to change it, or make it work, again like Bon Iver describes for us- ‘And I told you to be patient, And I told you to be fine, And I told you to be balanced, And I told you to be kind’ Our culture’s idea of love- romance, being constantly needed and wanted, material gifts, was never meant to completely satisfy us, and is radically different from the Bible’s definition on the subject.

‘This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.’ (1 John 4 v10)

Real love is God Himself, the Father showing his sacrificial, loving heart by giving us Jesus. We were never meant to be completely satisfied by just human relationships. We were meant to desire them, yes, and our human relationships are beautiful gifts of blessing from our loving Heavenly Father. But our ultimate fulfilment, our ultimate relational need can only come in and through Christ.

Bon Iver makes no attempt to hide his brokenness ‘And now all your love is wasted? And then who the hell was I? And now I’m breaking at the britches, And at the end of all your lines.’ So much of his identity has he poured out into this relationship that he is now breaking, questioning who he was, who he is. Again, this points us beautifully to the cross of Christ. This song reflects so much of the world around us- so often our identity is found in who we are going out with, what we do for a living, what we’ve achieved rather than who we actually are.  The Bible has another wonderfully radical viewpoint on this, telling us that our identity is found as children of God, set free by the precious cross of Jesus. It is the only identity which no one can take away from us. Relationships may break, careers may end and circumstances may change, but our adoption into the family of God stands forever.

‘See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!’ (1 John 3v 1)

The pain and emotion throughout this song are so striking. It is not hard to go away feeling like you have identified with Bon Iver, willing him to break away from a relationship which at once might have caused him happiness, but is now so evidently falling short, breaking him in the process. As a Christian, this song reminds me that so often I look for love and approval away from God, and that whilst that may bring me a temporary state of worth or happiness, ultimately it always falls short. My need for love and acceptance can only be found in Christ, whose love is anything but skinny and lacking, but the greatest love that has ever been shown to man.